My run up for mayor

I have led an insignificant life. Overall rather moot when you ask the question of 'how has this guy helped humanity'. I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to live a life of obscurity and wasted potential. The ideas I have put forth are real options, real solutions to real problems that we face even though we like to deny it. It's time to wake up and smell the ashes of what our world used to be. Is this really what you imagined the future would be like? Is this really what you thought 2014 would look like? Where are the flying cars and robot servants and everyone's got a job and a hobby and a house in the sky? We were lied to! That is the simple answer, we were told that if we continued down their path, we'd get all these things. And they keep making excuses of course. It's a tough economy, there's war, it's harder than we thought it would be, look over there they've got it worse, if you look at it you're really lucky. Bullshit. You are where you are because it's profitable for them, and those even worse are so for the same reason. We have to stop being afraid of the unknown. We have to realize that the current path will lead us nowhere but our own destruction. I know it's frightening to think of life outside the projected norm, but I would rather die free and trying, than die an ignorant slave. So wake up, wake up and face the reality of your own enslavement. http://igg.me/at/savingsudbury/x/1773616

I'm still a kid

I've come to the realization that in many ways I'm stuck at about 15. I don't know why I can't get past that point, maybe it's cause I've never been able to achieve anything significant since then. So I guess I stay there as a way to deny or ignore the fact that I'm going to be 25 in April and I have nothing to show for it. I know people always tell me I'm still young, and they didn't have much at 25, but I don't feel young. I never have, I've always felt older than I am. I like to say I was born 40. I like older music, I have the cynicism of a senior who knows what's really going on in the world. I just can't seem to do anything with it. I've never been able to achieve success in anything I really cared about, really wanted to achieve. Maybe I just don't want to fold and become a miserable wage slave like everyone else my age. I don't want the positives of that lifestyle so why would I want the negatives? Sadly I don't think you can have one without the other anyway. And in this society having anything that's not 'normal' is nearly impossible. I'm convinced this is intentional, but maybe I'm wrong. I'm capable of entertaining the idea that society is the way it has to be, and that this is the bset we can do. But every time I think about that, I come to the same conclusion: That's impossible! If this is the best we can do, then we don't deserve to 'do' at all.

How they keep you down

I can't get anywhere because I'm not anywhere. The general trend is always downward. So if you're already down you'll never be able to get yourself up. At a certain level one only gets better, but you're not at that level. It's a very small margin, way at the top, and you're not allowed in. Unless something happens, that is. Once in a while they allow one of us poor shmucks win the lottery, or get that promotion they've been working for. They do this to maintain the illusion that a man can change his fate if he works hard eough, kisses enough ass, or is lucky enough. This keeps the majority concerned with themselves and blind to eachother's suffering. The truth is the only way we'll all be able to do better than we're allowed to is to change the system itself. We have to make equality available to the lowest class, raise the standards from the bottom up and do thngs for everyone without concern for profit. People don't see the cages they're stuck in, they don't feel the chains on their necks. In the darkness that surrounds us a little light will make all the difference in the world. I think we need to make a world where winning the lottery is not the only hope for many people to live their dreams. The only way to do this is to allow people the freedom to live their dreams on the daily. The money will not have hold over us if we don't need more of it to truly live. It will no longer be a goal, but simply a tool, like it's supposed to be.

Unsatisfying

Is there a legitimate reason for my unsatifying life? Am I stuck like this because I'm supposed to be, or because there's something I'm just not seeing? Is there a plan for my suffering or is it just the result of my own failings? I resent everyone for something. I resent some people only a little and only for one thing, and I resent others massively for many things. It's not personal, it's purely Newtonian. Everything I resent in a person is resented proportionately based on how important the thing is to me, how important it is to them, and how much of a difference there is between us. Even the people I love the most are not immune to this. I resent some people who i don't even know, people I will never meet. Most of these people I resent not so much for what they have as the fact that I could do better with what they have, but instead I have nothing. Why do rich idiots get to be worshipped? You know what I could do with the kind of money that these people just sit on? Nobody deserves to have more money than they could make use of. I don't care what you do with it, just do something with it! I guess I've just always known that I was 'the little guy' economically speaking. I never had any delusions of wealth, I just wanted there to be more options available. I think perhaps I would have been more useful to society in a position where money wasn't a concern so long as I could be inventive. But these days the general trend is heavily in favour of not inventing anything new. Just buy your iPhone, watch your 50 inch TV, read your gossip, do your best not to think outside the box. I can't live like that. Even if I could afford to I wouldn't, and that's why I can't afford to.

My commentary on what 'problems' really are.

Sometimes I wonder if all the problems I have have names. I mean who knows, it's entirely possible that everything wrong with me is recognized and can be fixed. It's also possible that most of them are entirely new and when I eventually get a phychiatrist I'll have several of them named after me. I'd at least get some recognition for my uniquality. But what if there's not really anything wrong with me. That's dangerous thinking cause then that means there's something really wrong with the rest of the world. Heaven forbid we should question the glorious system that provides us with the marginal opportunity to make our way in the world within our narrow safety zone which we must never stray from or gaze away from. What about those born outside the safety zone? Well we can try to move into it, but once you know there are chains, it's hard to volunteer for them. Those that do are miserable their entire lives. Those on the outside are miserable too, but at least we know we are. What are we to do about this? Entire generations of wage slaves and culture slaves, and we sit on the outside envying their ignorance while simultaneously hating them for making us live outside the norm and ignoring our attempts to make them look outside their own cages. Maybe I'm insane, but at least I know it. I don't walk around with invisible chains on my ankles and blinders on my head. Being led around with no ambitions outside the path you are dragged along is the real insanity. So why does freedom hurt so much?

Am I a joke, or is it just me?

I believe I internalize a large amount of my problems because I never had an outlet for my own insanity. I have been holding back for as long as I can remember because every time I say something I am serious about, everybody else laughs. Are my problems funny because they're not really problems or because they're my problems? I never even get a straight answer to that question because they laugh it off too. My whole life nobody has taken seriously the problems that I consider to be important. Nor have they taken seriously my ideas, my advice (both requested and volunteered) my suggestions or my requests. My life has been a series of rejections and laugh fests. I could go to a comedy club and talk about engineering to a crowd of laughing hyenas. I'd be the top act. So is it funny because it's funny or is it funny because it's coming from me? Once in my life I would like a straight answer.

My Fear of Success

My fear of success can most directly be linked to the only thing I have ever been truly great at. It was an online competitive videogame, played with 8 people opposing. I got so good at it they eventually started accusing me of cheating. I wasn't but eventually it got so that every time I signed on, everyone else signed off. I got genuinely skilled at something, pouring hours and hours into it, no cheats, no advantages of any kind, on an inadequate computer that shouldn't have been able to play it through the cheapest DSL connection available, hiding it from my family, I got expert level in this game and rather than being appreciated for it I was abandoned. I've never cared what people thought of me personally, but to put so much work into something and have nobody appreciate it, that broke me. I haven't been able to play a video game honestly since. I use god mode, item cheats, ridiculous tricks, I play with no risks, on the outskirts of efficacy, so that I can amuse myself without getting too invested in the outcome. I think I sabotage myself and convince myself that somehow it's someone else. I convince myself that if my mother knows what I do it will end in failure. I convince myself that I am being watched at all times and whoever's doing it is also subtly keeping me down just to see how much I can take. I convince myself the grand cosmic awareness is keeping me in obscurity to save me for some catastrophy where I'll be needed. I can't wait for the zombies because then I'll have an excuse to run around with a machete and burn stacks of money for warmth. All of this has kept me living in my parents house with no prospects and no future and no way out of it because what if I do get out of it? What if I drag myself up and make something? Someone will resent me for it. Someone will be worse off than me and I will be better than somebody. And living my whole life being that guy, resenting everybody who is better than me, I don't know what I would do on the other side of the line.